lambda fairy

Shooting yourself in the foot

I’ve come up with a few “shooting yourself in the foot” jokes over the years. I hope you can get a decent chuckle out of these ☺


You shoot many feet, all at the same time, very, very, quickly.


You take out your gun, aim it at your foot, and pull the trigger. It creates a perfectly round hole in the middle of its target.

You pat yourself on the back and limp out of the office, proud of a job well done.


You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but the compiler notices you’re already dead inside and optimizes it away.


You can’t.


You create a new foot that is already shot, and treat that as the original. Your old foot eventually disappears.


You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but can’t figure out how. So you post your problem on StackOverflow.

A few minutes later, you receive five replies: all of them different, none of which you understand, and at least one of which uses a library Edward Kmett wrote last week.


I was just thinking… you know about gun accidents?

Yeah, what about them—

So many people get hurt —killed, even— by guns, every single day. And you know how they get hurt? Because SOMEONE ELSE IS POINTING THE GUN AT THEM.


Don’t interrupt, Rasmus. You’re breaking my flow.


Anyway, I was thinking — why not fix the problem right at the beginning? Why don’t we plug the hole right at its source?

You mean, like improved education, tougher licensing laws—

No, Rasmus, don’t you see? Accidents happen only when people point their gun away from themselves.

You’ve lost me now. Go on.

Rasmus, I want every gun made from now on changed… to fire backwards.

You aim the gun at your foot, and pull the trigger. Your head explodes.


What’s a foot?